Michelle's Journal

NOVEMBER

November 4, 2005-Couldn't avoid big babyness
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Well, I certainly had an eventful day yesterday. Saw my peri and we talked about the contractions. He said based on the fact that I'm already having contractions, there is a "reasonable possibility" that I will deliver early. Of course, there's still a reasonable possibility that I won't deliver early. He said once Braxton Hicks contractions start they tend to be persistent. Of course, now that I've told two doctors about it, they've let up. Of course.

Also found out that Maya is weighing in at a whopping 6 lb. 15 oz. OK, I shouldn't say whopping, but that is the 90th percentile. I expressed my concern again and the doc said that basically there's nothing to worry about. That we're judging percentiles based on 1970s data and the fact remains that babies are just getting bigger every decade. He said he rarely sees babies born in the 10th or 20th percentile. He also said that since I delivered the other two vaginally I should be able to go that route with Maya.

Not to mention, I keep telling myself, that there's an enormous margin of error on the guesstimated weight. I'm not worried, but that didn't stop me from standing in front of the mirror last night and looking at my belly wondering if that looked like 7 lb. of baby!

So peri said that they don't do anything at this point to stop labor, but that he'd like me to get to at least 37 weeks, which is two weeks from now. I don't think that meant he thought I would go before then, he was just saying that 37 weeks is considered full term and he'd like to see me go that far. Not that I have that much control over it, but you know.

So I told my regular OB about my conversation with my peri and she said it probably wouldn't be a bad idea for me to deliver early since they are guesstimating baby so big already. She also checked my cervix, which was closed and soft. So all good on that front at this point.

Also saw my hematologist yesterday. Very long story short, I started on heparin, even though Dr. Bala had said I shouldn't take heparin since that's what I was on when I developed a blood clot. I assured him that I had taken it with two other pregnancies with no problems, so it was obviously a dosage issue. He said, well, with people in your situation we usually stick them in the hospital for three weeks on a heparin IV and I was like, um, I don't think so. So he finally agreed to let me do heparin sub-q, thank God. I took the first dose this morning and had my blood levels checked at noon. Upper end of normal is 36 and I was at 35.5. So they upped me from 15,000 units twice a day to 20,000 units twice a day and I have to have the level rechecked on Monday.

I'm confident that I'm being well monitored and I'm really not worried about another blood clot. I'm actually in a good mood today and was yesterday for the first time in ages. It feels kind of weird, but really good.

What also feels weird is that all day today I didn't have as many contractions as I had been having and I felt a little disappointed. Of course, at like 5 p.m. when I left work I started having them again. Even though the doctor said "reasonable possibility" and I am really, really trying not to get my hopes up, I guess I really hoped in the back of my mind that that possibility would become reality. I think that's also why I'm in such a good mood today because I think I'm half-way expecting to go early now. Even though I'm really trying not to. But you know how you can get songs stuck in your head? Well, I've got "reasonable possibility" stuck in my head.

November 9, 2005-Stick a fork in me; I'm done!
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I never thought I'd say this, but I think I'm tired of being pregnant. I feel so lousy today and did last night as well. I was upstairs getting ready for bed by 7:30 last night, which I never do even if I want to. I could have been asleep by 8:30 probably, but I stayed awake until then so I could check my blood sugar from dinner. But as soon as I did that I turned my light off and said a prayer and konked out.

A lot of times when I feel yucky at night I usually feel better in the morning. But I don't today. I thought this was all pregnancy related, but it occurred to me this morning that I could actually be coming down with something, which would totally SUCK! Of course, I did Google some things yesterday wondering if how I'm feeling has anything at all to do with the onset of labor. No such luck.

I keep thinking that I'm not sure I can feel like this for another three weeks. I don't think it will last that long, but it certainly could. ugh. I also keep thinking that no matter how much I want this baby to be here, I need to wait at least another week so that I'm 37 weeks and will be considered full term. But, as nearly everyone in my life will attest, I am not the poster child for patience.

2:30 p.m. -I'm having lots of contractions today. More than usual. Which is fine with me. They don't hurt and haven't really increased in intensity. Well, I take that back. They don't hurt, but I think some have increased slightly in intensity. Still nothing to call the doctor about, but it is a change. And the fact that I felt lousy this morning and last night just makes me wonder a little. I'm feeling much better now, but still not 100% by any means.

I go to the doctor tomorrow and I'm expecting them to check my cervix again. I'll be interested to know if my cervix has changed at all. I'm doubting it, but still wondering.

November 17, 2005-Physical toll
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My friend Kym called me today and said that I looked great when she saw me yesterday at church, but she could tell that I looked done. And I thought, man, if other people are looking at me like that… And this morning the doctor said something about how I didn't look as spunky or something as usual. I have felt off and on irritated and fine all day.

For a while today I was really thinking that I could make it another two and a half weeks. And for much of tonight I was thinking that I wouldn't mind at all if this baby came right this second! In all actuality, I think I'd be happy waiting until after Turkey Day. I really enjoy Thanksgiving and don't really want to miss it. I think I'm just having one of those days when I'm overly anxious and overly ready.

And I think another thing that sort of washed out my mood today is that my doc checked my cervix today and it was "long and closed." Which is fine, really, because I'm 37 weeks and baby probably does need to cook a little longer. But I guess I really felt like I would be just a little dilated since I've been having contractions for almost three freaking weeks now! And I don't mind the contractions because it sort of helps me focus on the end. Does that make sense?

Ok, so I'm also getting really edgy with a lot of stuff at home. I was nesting so much the past few weeks and it sort of all stopped suddenly and maybe all that energy is gone and being channeled into a bad mood. I don't know. I'm babbling. I think I need to go to bed. It's 8:30, tomorrow's Friday and a very busy day at work. Mom and Dad leave from Phoenix tomorrow to drive back to St. Louis. They'll be home Sunday and will then only be two hours away should I go into labor before I'm scheduled to be induced. I'm totally babbling right now and I think I just want to go lie down. Actually, I want another glass of chocolate milk, but I'm not sure I should do that. I was 62 after dinner, which I was pretty surprised at actually, so I drank some milk so I wouldn't go low overnight. It was very yummy!

Maybe what I'm feeling is restlessness. Like cabin fever maybe. Ugh.

November 21, 2005-Come out, come out wherever you are
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I'm done. I'm ready. Let's do this RIGHT FREAKING NOW! I keep saying that ultimately I would like to wait at least until the end of this week because it's Thanksgiving and there are lots of fun things going on this week and probably in reality that's what I want, but when I feel lousy mentally and physically I just want to pop!

And maybe that's actually not when it's best to go into labor. Of course, I'm sure my mood would lift knowing that George is definitely on her way!

I just know today that my brain is not all there. I'm not doing the best job I know that I'm capable of, I'm very tired (of course I probably overdid things this weekend seeing as I cleaned the upstairs for a good three hours yesterday, including scrubbing the tub and the bathroom floor!), and I keep scrutinizing every little pain today and sensation and all that.

I don't know. I'm pissy about our finances, which isn't new and I guess I always get like this when I start thinking about our finances, but I can't help it.

And I want to eat. Copious amounts of chocolate. A hot fudge sundae would be absolutely incredible right now. Maybe we'll go out tonight since Megan has ballet until 6 and I'm not entirely sure I want to cook. We'll see how things change in the next three hours, I guess. Was planning to cook something quick like spaghetti, but that doesn't sound very enticing right now. Ugh!

OK, and I guess I'm a little nervous/anxious about my doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'm due to have Maya's weight, etc., measured. Three weeks ago she was 6 lb. 15 oz. and I guess if she stays on the same path she'll be close to 10 lb. Maybe they'll say she's so big we can't wait two weeks to induce, so let's do it now. Wishful thinking, but it could happen. Then I really wouldn't have a Thanksgiving because we'd likely be discharged on Thursday. Well, whatever. It really changes from day to day whether or not I want to wait until Dec. 5 or not. I guess the "decision" isn't really up to me.

November 22, 2005-Happy with weight guesstimate
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Well, I of course wasn't induced today. Baby was guessed at 7 lb. 12 oz., which is over the 90th percentile, but I'm actually sort of pleased with it considering she's gained around 2 lb. between all of the other measurements and this time didn't even gain a pound. But I still asked the doctor if we should go ahead and induce early instead of waiting another two weeks and he said no because it's better to have a big baby with no respiratory problems than a smaller baby with possible respiratory problems. He said sure we run a higher "risk" of c-section, but baby is still likely to be healthier if she waits a bit. He said he'd welcome a spontaneous labor at this point, though.

I'm having one of those days when I think I can wait another two weeks. So that's good. Mom and I figured today that in order for baby to never have her birthday on Thanksgiving, she has to be born on or after Nov. 29 because the latest Thanksgiving would be is Nov. 28. So that's a week from today.

Anyway. I had long train of thought for things I wanted to say today and now that train has left the station. I'm seriously considering a DQ run if we don't have any ice cream in the freezer, which I don't think we do. Maybe just a glass of chocolate milk. Ho hum.

November 26, 2005-A six-year-old's premonition
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I'm finally dilated!!! After four weeks of Braxton Hicks contractions (my dad calls them Briggs and Stratton!!) I'm finally getting somewhere. I went to the hospital this morning so my doctor could check me out. I haven't seen her in two weeks and won't see her next week and then five days after that I'm supposed to be induced. So she just didn't want to get in there having not seen me for three weeks. So, non stress test was fine-I had three contractions on the monitor-and when she checked my cervix I was at one to two, she said. So that made me feel good.

The absolute weirdest thing happened at dinner. I was having a contraction and Marc asked what was wrong and I told him I was having one and that was basically the end of that. And a few seconds later, my six year old son says "It's going to be a long night." Marc and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows like how the heck did he know that?! It came out of the blue, it's not like we were talking about this stuff at all. Just acknowledged that I was having a contraction. And Marcus doesn't even know what a contraction is or what it means or what it leads to. So I asked Marcus why he said that and he of course thought we were joking around with him and didn't really have anything to say. So I said to Marc that we're going to be laughing so much if tonight really is a long night. I don't think it will be, but it was so funny that he said that. We've always said Marcus was an old soul. Don't know if that means he has any insight into tonight's events, but whatever.

Anyway. So the kids and I had Sonic for lunch and then came home and got the Christmas decorations up. Fortunately we already had an extra stocking and stocking holder for Maya. The holder doesn't match, but I've already decided that I'm going to hit the after Christmas sales at Hobby Lobby and maybe one of the hardware stores. I know there are some stocking holders and other decorations that I wouldn't mind having from Hobby Lobby. There's stocking holders there that I want and then we'll all have matching ones. And I'd like to find an artificial tree that's super cheap. Our first year here I got a tiny tree at an after Christmas sale for like $10, but it's only like two feet tall. So I'm ready for a bigger tree. I'd love to have a real tree every year, but around here all you can find is pine trees and I can't stand pine trees; I want a fir tree and I'd have to drive a good 45 minutes to get one and I'm just not sure I'm willing to do that. Plus, when you think about it, a fake one is a heck of an investment up front, but it lasts practically forever.

Anyway. I'm sure that I'll wake up tomorrow morning like I do every morning still pregnant and not in labor. It's funny to think, though, about Marcus's little statement.

November 27, 2005-Ho hum...still pregnant
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Well, of course all last evening I kept thinking "when's it going to happen??" I apparently put a lot of stock into what my six year old said. It's funny to think about how I reacted to that, but I guess at 38 weeks 3 days you'll do almost anything to help the time pass and help to get the baby here.

And, of course, I woke up this morning still pregnant and not in labor. But the kids actually slept late this morning, which was absolutely incredible!

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